GardenToys for Grown Ups

Giant Teak Chess Set

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Giant Teak Chess Set

Uber Chess Pieces

Uber Chess is our largest plastic chess set! Suitable for all ages and there is no need to bend to pick up the pieces. Not only will the pieces look great on your lawn, they will ...

Giant Teak Chess Set


There’s a hole in your life. You’re rich, powerful, and wealthy beyond the imaginings of most ordinary humans.

You are doted upon by your family, friends and relatives, even that employee you had to sack for embezzling millions from your African orphanage charity still likes you. You have a great dog, who follows you everywhere. Yet you lie awake at night, tucked in to your king sized water-bed between your two stunning Russian model wives, and cry soundlessly, not knowing why you feel so empty and hollow inside. You don’t know how things got this far, and you don’t know how to fix that. You have everything, yet you don’t have the one thing you have longed for, ever since you passed through that park as a child, and stared up in wonder at that giant white Bishop.

You seem to have everything… but you don’t have a Giant Teak Chess Set.

One day, while listlessly browsing the internet, looking for something interesting to spend some of your millions on, you stumble across a picture. Your heart stops in your chest, and you find yourself shaking uncontrollably. There it is. Suddenly, it all becomes clear. The one thing you want, that you’ve wanted all along. The final piece of the puzzle, the key to all happiness. A Giant Teak Chess Set. With trembling fingers, you punch in your credit card details, select the express delivery option, and wait. And wait. And wait.

Hours pass. The sun rises. Your model wives come in to hug you good morning, and retreat, concern in their perfect blue eyes, as you sit by the window, watching the mail-box vigilantly. Your butler brings you tea and toast, manages to dress you without you noticing, and wisely cancels all your appointments. You watch as the shadows lengthen, and the afternoon passes by your window.

Finally, just when all hope seemed long gone, and you feel in despair that you will be forced to face another night alone, without your Giant Teak Chess Set, a mysterious white truck pulls up to the gate of your mansion. You jump to your feet, and clutch at the window frame, watching as the gate-keeper ushers the truck towards the house. You fly downstairs, and burst through the front doors, eyes shining, as the white truck grinds to a halt in front of the magnificent marble staircase of your front entrance.

You shove the driver aside, and your palms start to sweat, forcing you to fumble with the catch on the truck’s doors. Finally the doors swing open, and you fall to your knees, weeping unashamedly. It is here, at last. It is yours. Your life is now complete. You have your very own, longed for Giant Teak Chess set. Each piece, hand carved in far off Indonesia, from sustainably produced genuine teak. The King, taller than you are, and so majestic you start to weep again. Now, only one question remains.

Where are you going to find a Giant Chess Board?

 

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